Toxic Love
by My Couch 2 U
Summary: Emily is nursing a broken heart. She is trying to get her life back on track, especially in regards to school. This can be hard sometimes when Alison continues to play her little games. Emily thought she was past Ali and that she viewed her as just a friend. But how long will that last now that she is single and Ali continues to make her advances...
1. Chapter 1: Damn all the Distractions

Author's Note: So I have never posted any of my work before. I have been really self-conscious about my fictional writing abilities. But it is something I am trying to approve upon both in confidence and ability. I appreciate any feedback you have whether content or stylistic. Please just let in be constructive criticism :)

Chapter 1: Damn all the distractions

I thought senior year was suppose to be the fun and easy one, yet here I am drifting through another day of high school. I leave my AP Calculus class and head to lunch. I appreciate leaving the class as I already know most of the material and so I end up helping all the people who sit around me because the teacher is just horrible and I'm too nice. It also probably doesn't help that most of the students do not put in half the effort I do into my studies and sometimes are just plain stupid. Honestly, I hate it here. It's like waking up every morning just to go to hell or jail semi-willingly.

I walk out not really paying attention to anyone in particular. As soon as I have a free minute I start thinking again. I feel like I am just floating through life. I am doing everything I can just to survive. I eat, I go to school, I do homework, and I hang out with friends. But nothing makes me feel excited or alive. I stay distracted. Ever since… ugh I can't even say her name... I have just felt empty like this huge hole has been left in the middle of my chest right where my heart used to be. On autopilot, I walk out of my class, down the hall, up the stairs, and to my locker. My friend Hanna is already waiting for me.

"Hey Hanna." I smile as we make eye contact.

"Hey Emily. How was calc?" I continue to grab my stuff from my locker as we talk.

"As boring as ever." I roll my eyes and sigh with relief to be out of there. "How was Bio?"

"Awful as usual. Like Em, when am I ever going to need to know how DNA replicates itself. It is literally a huge waste of time. I could be spending that time reading People magazine and get more out of that then I do that class. Or I could be looking at the latest-"

"Oh shit." I say in shock interrupting her normal tirade.  
Hanna immediately seems worried. "What? What is it?"

"I forgot about the test!" I can feel my heart pounding (at least I know it's still there). This can't be happening. I have to do well academically in order to get into a good school, especially with swimming no longer being an option. There is so much more pressure for me to perform academically now that swimming is not going to pay my way through college.

I obviously immediately go into full panic mode. Hanna obviously recognizes this and trys to soothe me. "You are going to be fine. You always do well on tests." I just look at her. She obviously notices my continued anxiety about the test. She gives me a hug and says "Emily. It is going to be fine. We still have lunch and I'll help you review. Ok?" She pulls back to look at me. All I can do is nod. I shakily take in a deep breathe and hope she is right.

We speed walk to the cafeteria. I didn't bother buying food as waiting in the line would waste time and I wouldn't end up eating it anyway. Hanna and I usually got to the cafeteria first so we took our respective seats. Unlike the rest of the group, we didn't spend our time flirting with people in the hallway. Spencer has Toby. Aria secretly has Ezra. Hanna was dating Sean, but they broke up. Something she and I have in common. We haven't really talked about it yet. And Alison… well Ali was Ali. She always had someone to flirt with, usually a new guy almost every week, if not more frequently and if not more than one guy. She would always have her "suitors" meet her just outside the cafeteria. There is a big glass wall that allows perfect view of her and whoever she is with in the corner where the wall juts out. It's right in my line of sight… I swear she does it on purpose.

Of course some days I can't help but watch just out of appreciation of her. She always does these cute little things when she is flirting like twill one strand of her hair or cross her legs a certain way. Others I find it too hard to look. I had tried to shut down my feelings for her. Keep them contained for the sake of friendship. I had done so successfully since my slip up when we were kids. And when I say successfully, I mean that I rein in my physical desires and mostly contain the emotional portion. Enough so to be able to have relationships with other people. Well at least for a time...

Ali has never let me live it down that I kissed her… She will do little things to try to get a reaction out of me. Unfortunately, she does usually get me to blush, but other than that I have been good despite her blatant teasing. The flirting in my line of sight is just another example. She knows I am the possessive and jealous type whether that be a friend or more than friend thing. But it has obviously always been worse with Ali and everyone knows it.

But today, I had to stay focused. Today, I could not pay attention to those little things and get all distracted by jealousy. I was completely focused on my notes and Hanna was trying her best to remember what was on the test so as to help me focus in on which material to memorize. About 5 minutes into lunch Spencer and Aria joined us. Spencer being the brainiac immediately jumped in to help me.

15 minutes passed and Ali was still outside flirting. At 20 minutes, she finally joined us. Aria piped up first. "Ali, what took you so long?" Spencer quickly followed up with "Yea, nice of you to join us." I continued to study with Hanna who was helping me focus. I'm pretty sure she thought that now I was not just distraught about the test. She discretely squeezed my knee under the table for support. I was ok so it took me a second to realize why. I was too freaked out about the test to notice Ali had been gone. And in all honesty, I was still nursing a broken heart. Ali and I had been just friends for years now so I had become used to her little games. Ali ignored both of them and zeroed in on me. In a snide tone she said "Em you seem so focused this afternoon. What's so important?"

"Forgot about a test." I didn't even look up, which obviously annoyed her. And the question indicated she was also upset her little game of the day had not fazed me. Ali always wanted the attention and the control. She had it pretty much 100% of the time. But I knew it was all a facade. I didn't just pay attention to the cute things, I also noticed the little chinks in her armor and slips that showed the true Ali. All of the demeaning remarks, flirting, games, etc. were all just hiding that she is deeply insecure, afraid of abandonment and trusting others, and pretty depressed on top of that.

She ignored my answer and began talking to Aria about the "conversation" with the guy she was flirting with outside. Today, it was Noel. That one seemed to pop in and out the most. I hated him. She knew he bothered me the most and so she tried to distract me with the details. He had her attention, at least on the surface. It hurt every time I saw her with him or anyone for that matter. I wanted all of her. I wanted all of her attention. I wanted her to love me. But I guess that was just too good to be true… or at least that's what I wanted before (right?).


	2. Chapter 2: Well that escalated quickly

Author's Note: I thank the couple of people who left a review and followed this story. It was definitely encouraging. I did rate this M for a reason so it is heading in that direction starting now. Hope you all like it and definitely leave reviews with thoughts, ideas, etc. :)

Chapter 2: That escalated quickly

I walk into Biology totally sweating the test. I do not feel adequately prepared but it is what it is. I look at the first question. It says "what is the bond that creates proteins?" I am happy that I know the answer to the first question. Hanna came in handy because she specifically pointed this out at lunch. I circle B. Peptide Bonds. As I continue through the test, I start to feel more and more confident. I am able to recall most of the information from my cram session. I finish the test and turn it in. For a moment, I no longer feel like everything is crashing down around me.

I share this particular class with Ali, so I am normally pretty distracted. She often goes out of her way to keep my attention. She talks to me every chance she gets and if it's not that then she is doing something with her hair, pretending to get something from her bag, or texting me. So it is not often that I get all of the notes down or truly absorb the content. Thank goodness that the teacher posts the powerpoints online so I can go over them before tests or I would have failed by now. This is the majority of the reason why I was panicked that I had not been able to study, because who knows what and how much I missed this time.

I get back to my seat just as Ali gets up to turn in her test. I sit down and watch her as she walks away. Now that I am not freaking out, I am back to getting distracted. Of course today she wore that outfit that kills me. Those tight black leather pants with that fire red top. It just clings to all the right places. It accentuates her perfectly toned ass and nice, plump… well you know. It also brings out her pale complexion which makes her mesmerizing blue eyes just that much more noticeable. The curls in her hair bounce slightly with each step cascading down her back. I am caught in this fantasy of running my hands through those pieces of hair just as she turns around. She catches me looking as she comes back to her seat. I know that along with the fact that I did not play along with her little game today at lunch that there are definitely going to be some sort of repercussions. She flashes that sassy, seductive smile that she always uses, normally right before she does something to try to make me get all flustered. And so it begins…

Everyone turns in their tests soon after. The teacher tells us that he did not have anything planned for after the test so we can just have a mini study hall. I immediately start pulling out my books to make it seem like I am busy in hopes that Ali won't start something in the middle of this classroom. She immediately turns to sit backwards in her seat. This gives her full access to look and talk to me. No one else around us really dares to talk or even pay attention to us out of fear of Ali, so she literally could do almost anything right now. I can feel my heart rate start to rise back up into panic mode. I try to calm myself down. Remind myself that it is just Ali and that I am past her. I am past her.

Ali interrupts my thoughts and ignores my attempt at pretending to be busy. "Hi Em!" She uses my nickname. The one that for some reason just sounds better coming out of her mouth. "Hi Ali." I keep my tone even and my head down. This is obviously not going to fly.

"So what have you been up to lately? I feel like we haven't had just us time in a while. Probably because of that girlfriend of yours. How is that by the way?" She adds a level of disgust that you can almost taste any time she talks about my girlfriend. Well ex-girlfriend...

"Uh. Mmm. We… uh… We broke up."

"What?!" She seems genuinely shocked. That shock soon turns into curiosity. "Who broke up with who?"

"Ali, I am not really sure I want to talk about this, especially in the middle of this classroom."

"Oh come on. No one is paying attention. Plus you should be able to tell me anything. I mean that is what best friends are supposed to do." She follows up this token line by grabbing my hand. She runs her thumb back and forth.

"Well… Paige" I stubble as I say her name. "She broke up with me." I feel my face fall and the sadness begin to creep back in. Ever since the break up I have always felt right on the verge of tears. I have been trying to ignore it, but here it is becoming more noticeable by the second.

"Woah... Well she is an idiot, I've said that from the beginning." I've known she didn't like Paige. She has called her Pigskin and taken every opportunity to intimidate her for as long as I can remember. She continues "You can do better anyway. I mean we both know you have done better before." She winks. "I mean who would break up with the amazing Emily Fields." She is back to flirting. But the Alison DiLaurentis version that also comes with the insults as well.

I feel one lone tear escape my eye. She quickly uses her other hand to wipe it away and her hand lingers just a little longer than needed. I can't tell if this is part of the game or if she is legitimately trying to comfort me. "We can talk about this later Em. You were right, it is not fair to ask you about such an emotional topic right in the middle of all these people."

This is the Ali that I know. The one that is sweet, genuine, and caring. I think she catches the fall in her facade and immediately goes to correct for it. "You can come to my place later. I am sure I could cheer you up." I look up at the teasing tone. Just as I do I feel her hand run slowly up the back of my calf. I don't register what is happening at first and then I try not to flinch. She soon makes her way to my knee. As she makes it to my thigh, I push away. It is too much. Too much adrenaline and sensations running through my body. I cannot handle this right here, right now. She immediately laughs and says "Em you're blushing. You act like we just did what we could do later right here in front of everyone, now that you're single and all."

My heart is pounding. I can hear it in my ears and my skin is crawling. Her touching me has always felt like electricity or fire trailing up my skin. This was more extreme than usual and her insinuations are much more forward. This was definitely repercussions for earlier. For not paying attention to her. For not feeling jealous. I think this was only fueled by the fact that I am single. I think she is happy that Paige broke up with me. It gives her more access to me, time wise and flirting wise. "I think I am busy tonight." I barely squeak out in vain hope that she might drop it.

"No your not. You are coming over. You have no choice."

Well shit...


	3. Chapter 3: When it rains it poors

Author's Notes: This may not have gone the way you expected or wanted, but I promise it is going to be good. Please keep reviewing! I really love interacting with you all and try to message each of you whether there are questions or not.

Chapter 3: When it rains it pours

The bell rang and I literally shot out of my seat. I moved so quickly my teacher called out "where's the fire?!" I heard that along with Alison's angelic yet taunting giggle behind me. I needed to find Hanna ASAP.

I literally ran to my locker hoping she would be there like usual. Nope. I ran to her locker and she wasn't there either. I ran around a corner and ran straight into someone. I took a step back to make sure they were ok and to apologize. As soon as I looked up my heart stopped beating. I had run directly into Paige. I stood there dazed and she stood there looking a little angry until she saw who it was and her face softened. Why… Why did it have to be Paige.

"I...uh...I'm sorry I ran into you." I look down and away thinking about the double meaning.

"...It's ok. Where were you going in such a hurry? Are you ok?" She said with genuine concern.

"You don't really get to ask that anymore." I could hear my bitterness boiling up to the surface. "But, I was going to find Hanna and I will be better off talking to her than you right now." Before she got a chance to respond, let alone react, I had already taken off.

What the actual fuck was that. Like who does she think she is to ask me if I am ok. Like take the apology and just leave… like you did already. My anger started to settle as soon as that thought crossed my mind. Now I was back to being sad. My pace slowed as my emotions did. My mind started reeling. I mean I knew I was still struggling with the break up, I literally was just crying about it. Crying about it with Ali. What kind of cosmic bullshit is that? The worst part is that if Paige knew I was talking to Ali about us, or just in general, it would just further make her point. I am basically proving her right and I am not even doing it on purpose. I really needed Hanna. Luckily I just found her at the end of the hall.

Hanna caught sight of me from down the hall. She started waving vigorously and only stopped when people started to look at her weird. This brought a smile to my face. As I got closer I could see her concern for me start to rise. She could tell just by looking at me that something wasn't right. "Em, are you-"

"No. Can't talk now. Come with me." I grabbed her hand and pulled her through the mess of people all trying to exit the school. We got to my car. I got in and immediately started driving. I didn't even know where I was going. "Emily. What's going on? Where are we going?" I didn't answer for fear that if I started now I would start crying and that is not conducive to driving.

Finally we pulled up to the woods. I had driven on autopilot to the path that leads to the kissing rock. Ali and I's spot. Hanna seemed confused. "Why are we here?"

"I need to talk to you away from everyone else. Apparently this is where my fucked up brain thought that should happen."

"Ummmm ok. Emily you're worrying me."

"I know. I'm sorry. I am going to start explaining now." I took a deep breathe and then began to recount the incident with Paige first. Hanna was not happy. She is obviously worried that I am going to just fall into a deeper depression and become completely inconsolable.

"Hanna I know I have not talked a lot about my breakup with Paige. I've been pretty broken up about it." I looked up at her as my eyes welled up with tears. She just grabbed my hand for support and let me talk. "Paige broke up with me. You know that, but you don't know why. Paige thought I was settling for her. That I was not truly in love with her and that I never would be because she believes my interests lie elsewhere." By this point the tears were slowly dripping down my face. I reached up with my free hand to wipe them away. "She never said specifically who, but I know that she was talking about Ali. She has always been jealous of her and has always thought I never got over her." Hanna chuckled slightly. I looked up at her.

"Sorry. I know that probably came off as insensitive. We all know you are attracted to Ali. I mean, come on, it's obvious."

"Yes Hanna. I am attracted to Ali. I can't help that. That is biology. But I had put those feelings and those emotions aside when she shut me down as kids. At least to the best of my abilities. I truly am in love with Paige. That is why this hurts so much. I didn't just date her as a placeholder. I dated her because I could see it going somewhere." Hanna's face fell. Now she totally understood why I was all broken up. The bad part was I knew that Hanna's anger was about to skyrocket.

"Hanna there is something else too."

"Oh god. What is it?" I could feel my nerves start to tingle. I think both from thinking about Ali touching me and the thought of how angry Hanna is going to get.

"Well something happened with Ali today." Immediately Hanna's face went into a glare. Yes Hanna is friends with Ali too, but she is also super protective and not so deep down she really hates Ali.

"What do you mean something happened with Ali?"

"We were in Biology and we had extra time in class. So she turned around and started talking to me. Of course it didn't even start off benign cause I mean it is Ali. She started asking me about Paige and I told her we broke up. I got emotional and at first it seemed like she was comforting me, but then things got even more intense. You know how she is. Always flirting and playing her little game. Anyway she ended up grabbing my hand...then caressing my face…and then she ran her hand up my leg." I spoke so fast recounting this whole thing. The longer I spoke the redder Hanna got. With each description of an advance that Ali made but then I saw Hanna's fists ball up and her jaw set.

"She also invited me over tonight and said I don't have a choice."

"Don't have a choice! Who does she think she is the Queen of fucking England! No Emily you have a choice. How could she fucking do this? Like not only did you just get out of a relationship and are trying to handle that, she is also toying with you. What person thinks it is ok to play with someone like that, like they are just a doll without any emotions or feelings? You know who...a psychopath! A full-fledged psychopath. You know what I am going to do. I am going to go over there right now and punch her in the throat! Yea that is what I am going to do." She then went to reach for the door but I locked it before she could get out. She turned back to me.

"Alright I know you are mad. I understand why you are mad. But Hanna what if she isn't toying with me? What she did today in Biology… that went further that she usually does."

"No Em. No. Please don't go down that rabbit hole again. Please…" I could see she still wanted to murder Ali in her sleep, but she was now showing more concern for me. "Em. You know that even if she is serious, which you know my feelings on that, it is just not the right time. You just got out of a relationship with Paige. You are still hurting. I mean if today isn't an indicator I don't know what is. Not only that you just told me that Paige and you basically broke up because of Ali and that you had put your feelings for her behind you years ago. I just would not go over there alone tonight." I swear I could literally see the light bulb form above her head. "She said you don't have a choice, right?"

"Yes, but Han-"

"But nothing. She didn't say that no one else could come. I am going with you."

"Hanna you know that is really going to piss her off. I don't like making her mad."

"Yes, but I do so that is even more of a reason for me to go. Plus I serve as a cockblock or a… vagblock? I don't know, I'll come up with something better later. I will be a good buffer. You know I am right." She gave me that look. The one where you know there is no possible way to argue against it. I knew I had no choice in this matter either.

"Fine. You are probably right, but this is really not gonna go well."

"I know. I'm excited!" But I am so royally screwed.


End file.
